it occurs to me that if one is invoking the spirit of serendipity because they are hoping it will cause one specific explicit particular exact precise thing to happen that day, they might, in fact, be missing the whole point of serendipity.

and by one, of course, i mean me.

last tuesday night, i hopped into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin.

the sheets get a little messy during the day, what with atlas hopping on and off and on and off the bed, so i used my hands to smooth them out around me.

i felt something hard and round.

i squeezed the hard round thing between my fingers. it was cold (and hard and round) so i figured it was a rock. i wondered why there was a not particularly tiny rock in my bed, but i got out of bed so i could throw it away.

it was not a rock.

it was a hard round cold ball of dog poop.

that is the first thing people do not tell you about having a dog.

the second thing people do not tell you about having a dog is that after years of living with one, this won't even phase you.

you will look rather bemusedly at it (why exactly is there dog poop in my bed? how did it get under my covers?), chuckle at the dog and tell him he's a silly goose, and carry the poop into the bathroom and throw it in the garbage.

then, you will wash your hands three times and go back to bed.

in the morning, you'll wash your bedding, though in all honesty, you won't be sure whether you aren't only washing it because washing the bedding was already on your list of things to do on wednesday.

seriously.

if i were going to write a dog book, this is the dog book i'd want to write: "the things no one tells you about having a dog (& if they did, you wouldn't believe them anyway)".

it was such fun offering postcards the other week that i decided to do something similar for cards. i know, you could just pop over to my etsy shop and buy them, but this seems easier and – in this moment – more fun.

besides, there might be other people who are like me and just wrote a year’s worth of birthdays in their 2012 calendar and subsequently realized that they might, in fact, be slightly behind already. (though in all honesty, i like to send cards belatedly. it makes them even more unexpected.)

$17 gets you 6 {happy surprise} cards. shipping is included. (if you want to see some examples, you can pop over to the shop.)

if the offer speaks to you and the timing is right, just click the rosy red button.

yay! more mailbox goodness!

sunday update: i removed the buttons because this round is done! yay! thank you!

{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

you know what's funny? i spent part of a sunny afternoon taking pictures specifically for this project and the photo for radiance is not one of those photos.

i hung a crystal in my window this week to reflect the winter sunlight around the living room and i was taking photos of that for my project. when i was done, i took a few photos of the daisy just for fun.

when i went through my photos to find the perfect crystal photo, this daisy photo raised its hand and said, "me, me, me!" it turns out it was absolutely perfect.

i have wanted to talk about beauty for a very long time.

i haven’t talked about beauty, because i don’t know where to start.

how do i talk about the thing i care about so intensely – the thing that is the touchstone for my life – that words seem inadequate and insufficient?

that, right there, is the first reason i haven’t started the conversation until now.

the second reason i haven’t started the conversation is that beauty is a loaded word.

our relationship with beauty can be fraught with pain.

there are entire industries that exist to convince us that beauty is a product and we can possess it – if and only if we buy their product. there are societal and cultural mores that portray beauty as useless and frivolous. it is put into boxes – this is beautiful and that is beautiful and unless something is like this or like that, it is not beautiful.

but none of that is what i mean at all.

when i think about beauty, i am thinking about:

compassion, congruence, harmony, symmetry, kindness.

joy, delight, simplicity, trust, surrender.

authenticity, vulnerability, radiance, love, passion.

pleasure, possibility, play, appreciation, acceptance.

celebration, belonging, presence, permission, desire.

creativity, courage, curiosity, discovery, insight.

sanctuary, homecoming, empathy, devotion, integrity.

inspiration, communion, truth, generosity, peace.

and so much more.

when i think about beauty, i am thinking about:

the richness of a deep, true friendship. the sparkle of sunlight on wet asphalt. the smell of lilacs.

cooking a meal and setting the table and lighting a candle, even when you are eating alone. a painting that stops you in your tracks. the sight of orion and his bow and arrow in the winter sky above you.

a hug hello. the crackling warmth of a campfire. the hush in the air after the first snowfall. deep belly laughter. bright green moss.

a photo that moves you and so you order it and wait excitedly for it to arrive and when it does, you frame it and hang it in the perfect place and then you stop and enjoy it every time you see it on your wall. placing the pillows on the couch just so.

helping someone in need. picking up a piece of garbage in the park and placing it in the trash can. belting out your favorite song while driving. a line in a book or a poem.

the sound of waves crashing on the sand. really truly seeing someone. ruby red pomegranate seeds. a dog on point. a field of prairie grasses blowing in the wind.

the crunch of a crisp dill pickle. the moment when you realize, “oh! this is why i do this!” a shadow on the wall. a single tear.

blue sky after days of grey. sharing something that you are deeply ashamed of and being met with love, compassion, and acceptance.

moonlight on the water. the hoot of an owl. the sight of someone you love coming toward you. two raccoon faces peering out from the branches of a tree on an evening walk. the thrill of the northern lights.

your breath in the frosty air. celebrating a friend’s success. the first sip of hot chocolate. blackberry gelato melting on your tongue. your favorite scarf.

and so much more.

there are two things i believe to be true about beauty.

the first is that beauty is a need.

the second is that beauty is a quality of the soul.

beauty might indeed be the thing i never talk about, but it is also the only thing i ever talk about at all.

clearly we haven't been introduced.

my name is atlas. i am a friend to all kitties.

come out from behind the glass and visit me!

i shall love you and sniff you and follow you around adoringly. and we shall be the bestest of friends forever. or at least until you disappear on me.

i guess three photographic odes to mark rothko isn’t really very many, given that my blog is over two years old.

• photographic ode the first
• photographic ode the second

wait. only three? clearly i need to do more of them.

mark rothko for everyone!

speaking of mark rothko, did you know that the portland art museum is curating a mark rothko exhibition? it opens in february. i will be visiting. i’d invite you to come with me, only i suspect i will sit myself in front of a painting and not be able to move for ages, which is what i did the last time i saw one of his paintings in person. did i mention that i am kind of a fan?

i have been recording the occasional story for my little niece savannah and posting them on a secret page just for her. that way, her mom can play the stories for her and hopefully she won’t forget her auntie who loves her so very much.

i listen to this particular story every once in a while because it makes me giggle. (this also makes me giggle, because i made it up, so you’d think i could just think about it and that would make me giggle, which it actually does, but it’s even funnier when i hear myself giggle on the recording.)

i am feeling a little silly today, so i thought i’d share it, in case it makes you giggle too.

when the world was flat

{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

my words for 2012 are power and radiance.

well, they weren't exactly my words. i wanted to choose flow.

but then, back in november – when i realized that i was going to have to learn to dance with the light – power and radiance presented themselves.

when i say power, what i mean is something very much like wholeness. it is the power that comes from honoring and integrating all of me: body, mind, and spirit.

when i say radiance, what i mean is something very much like luminosity. it is not so much radiating outward as it is finding (or recognizing and owning) the instrinsic lightness inside of me.

i knew in november that that was my work for 2012, so i thought wholeness and luminosity would be my words for 2012.

as you can see, they are not. my sense at the end of the year was that there is something important about the words power and radiance, and that i need to use those words, even if what i mean when i say them seems more like wholeness and luminosity.

i was also puzzled about my photo project.

i was excited about a year with luminosity but, when i decided to use the word radiance, i figured that i would have to spend a year with radiance instead. (i am working with power through my body and physical strength.)

when i took my photo on thursday, i still hadn't decided, so i took two photos.

but then, when i was drinking tea out of my favorite mug – it has a sun on one side and a moon on the other – i realized that i could do both. radiance and luminosity seem like two facets of radiance, so it fits perfectly.

(part of me thinks that i have clearly not thought this through at all and i am going to be very sorry. the other part of me thinks that this will be fun. after all, i do love matchmaking, and i am always up for a challenge. plus, is "the dawning of the light" not the best photo project title ever?! it's so much better than a title with just radiance or just luminosity could ever be.)

i love love love to read. if i were going to define myself as "something", the one "something" that really resonates with me is reader.

the only time i remember getting in trouble in school was in first grade. we were supposed to be doing math problems out of a workbook. i was holding the workbook up in front of my face because i had a book hidden behind the workbook and was reading instead. unfortunately, the teacher came up behind me.

in middle school, i would bike to the library with my sisters every week and bring home a backpack full of books. the librarians let us ignore the limit and check out however many books we wanted so that we didn't have to visit every day.

i often wonder what i would be like if i didn't read. at the same time, i cannot imagine a life without reading at all.

i could never answer the question, "what's your favorite book?" i don't have one favorite, but i do have a short list of books that are my favorites because they have changed me in some way.

atlas shrugged (ayn rand). if you ever wonder where i got atlas' name, he is partly named after this book. i think my sister amy recommended it to me. i brought it along when i visited my grandparents one easter and could not put it down. do you know what i remember most? when i left the airport parking lot, i really wanted to pretend that i lost my parking ticket; it was cheaper to pay the "lost ticket maximum" than to pay the actual parking fee. i couldn't do it. it didn't align with who i wanted to be after reading the book. sometimes i find it rather strange that i love it so because i suspect i do not align with ayn rand either politically or spiritually, but the thing i took from the book was a desire to do the best i can with what i have – in order to be worthy of what i've been given and to express my appreciation and gratitude for all of it.

don't shoot the dog (karen pryor). atlas' breeder gave me this book as a gift on his first birthday. it's about positive reinforcement. when i finished, i had a vision for who/how i wanted to be/behave with atlas. everything i have done with him – or tried to do – or berated myself for falling short at – came from the principles in this book. everything i read (and continue to read) about dogs in my quest to be the best dog person i can be came from my vision of who i wanted to be after reading this book.

the prophet (kahlil gibran). i can't even remember why i bought this book in the first place, but i took it with me on a trip to seattle to visit a friend. i read it on the flight there and i spent most of the flight going, "oh! yes! oh! oh!" and underlining things and sniffling a little. i wrote in it – something i had never done to a book before and haven't really done since. there were parts of it where it felt like he reached in and grabbed bits of my soul – ideals that i tried to live by without being able to explain them – and poured them out onto the page in words. it made me think. it made me gasp. it was full of beauty. i think that if i absolutely had to pick one favorite book, this would probably be it.

the inmates are running the asylum (alan cooper). i've written about this book before, but essentially, it helped me find and articulate my passion for the user experience. (incidentally, i read this one on on a trip to england – on the train from london to swindon, to be exact – so it seems i might have a pattern of falling in love with the books i read while traveling.)

nickel and dimed (barbara ehrenreich). to be fair, this book is not exactly a longstanding favorite. it was a good quick read. i probably wouldn't read it again. there are other books that i prefer and return to, like savage inequalities (jonathan kozol) and the working poor: invisible in america (david shipler). i include it because it is the first book i read that helped me recognize and question my assumptions -assumptions i didn't even know i was making – and begin to investigate what i really believed and what i wanted to stand for and hold as important, instead of taking other people's assumptions and beliefs as my own without thinking about them. it also got me reading everything i could find about poverty and class and education, which was a fascinating (if sad) reading journey.

the untethered soul (michael singer). actually, if i had to pick one favorite, it might be a toss-up between this and the prophet. i don't really know how to talk about this book, except to say that every time i read it, i feel like i get a little glimpse of heaven.

so there you have it, a short list of books that have changed me. of course there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind in this moment.

i had an epiphany the other day that got me thinking about my favorite books and prompted this post. i just read switch by chip & dan heath. at one point, they talked about inspiring change via the identity model, where you get people to ask, "who am i? what would someone like me do in this situation?" i realized that that's what all of these books did for me. they made me ask myself that question; when i found the answer, it changed me.

now i'm so curious, do you have a book or books that have changed you?