check this out!

i’ve done something like this to photos in the past using photoshop, and my broken camera did this all on its own. it’s not consistent – mostly the photos just turn out white – but it gave me a few cute photos of atlas when i was playing with it so i am a very happy camper.

speaking of atlas, i want to remember to tell you the story of atlas and the pond. next week, i think. i took him for an adjustment on tuesday and while we were waiting for the vet to come in, i told him a story; this was the story i picked. it reminded me that i should tell you. you might enjoy the story more than atlas does, because it is the reason he doesn’t like water.

atlas met a kitty this past weekend! we went for a walk on a nearby trail that we hadn’t visited in a while. as we walked down the path, we ran into a white cat sitting by the side of the path. naturally, atlas stopped and gazed happily at his potential new friend. after a few minutes of this, i happened to glance behind me, only to see a black and white cat standing right behind us! it stood there for a while and then turned around and went into the trees and came out by the white cat. it then walked right up to atlas and me, sniffed atlas’ feet, and eventually wandered off down the path in front of us. atlas abandoned the potential friend in favor of a confirmed friend and we followed it down the path until it veered off into the bushes on an adventure. (well, that was my doing. atlas wanted to follow it into the bushes.)

i don’t say this often enough, but i so appreciate you.

thank you for your presence here. thank you for sharing in my life – and for allowing me to share in yours.

whether you comment or not, whether you visit regularly or occasionally or once-in-a-blue-moon, the gift of your presence is felt and appreciated.

your time and attention is precious. i am honored that you spend some of it here.

as a thank you, i want to offer you a favorite image.

it comes without limitation or restriction. you can use it as a computer background or screensaver. you can print it out and frame it. you can use it in an e-book. you can turn it into a blog header or a business card. you can put it on a postcard and mail it to all of your friends. you can incorporate the image into your own art.

to download the file, right-click the image and select Save Linked File as. if you’re a mac user press control and click the image.

(if, for some reason, that only downloads the smaller version of the image, click the image above to see the full size and then save it.)

merci. gracias. vielen dank. grazie.

thank you.

“The
Earth would die
If the sun stopped kissing her.”

– Hafiz

{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

i was feeling lonely one evening last weekend. i didn’t really know what to do with it – i am more of a day person than a night person – so i decided to send some mail to friends. unfortunately, i only had one stamp left and it was earmarked for a bill, so my mail didn’t go out until today’s visit to the post office.

as i was standing in line, it occurred to me that sending mail might be even more fun than receiving mail.

when i send mail, i get to show someone that i care about them, even if i don’t say so specifically.

when i send mail, i get to show someone that someone is thinking about them.

when i send mail, i get to imagine it showing up in their mailbox as an unexpected surprise.

there is something so very satisfying and comforting and heartwarming about the act of sending mail.

it reminds me that there are people in the world that i care about and that care about me. it makes me feel like they aren’t so very far away after all. it makes me feel less alone.

every once in a while i want to send mail to someone, but for some reason, i talk myself out of it. i realized that the reason i do this is because it feels too vulnerable. if i’m not sure how someone feels about me, it’s hard to let them know that i care, that i’m thinking about them. what if they don’t care about me and don’t want to hear from me and i am annoying them.

reaching out – letting people know you care about them – can be scary.

the thing i am trying to remember is that reaching out is important. vulnerability is important. it’s true, they might not feel the same way about me, but everyone likes to be remembered.

so yes, real mail. i am a fan.

that’s really why i make and sell cards. i mean, i like making cards – the act of making them and the act of pairing images and the act of finding names and descriptions for the sets. but mostly, i like thinking of people sending and receiving little bits of love, via their mailbox.

you don’t need anything special, you know. you can just find a piece of paper and write, “i’m thinking of you. just thought you should know.” and pop it into the mail.

but if you do like cards, i have an offer you might be interested in.

(i just finished this post and i am giggling because i cannot figure out how this relates to radiance. i thought it did when i started out but now i cannot see how, so i am wondering if i got confused along the way. it’s what was on my mind so we will pretend it does relate, yes?)

if you read yesterday’s post, you know that it’s time to replace my beloved camera.

(sniffle. this feels a little like saying goodbye to a very dear friend. all the memories! sniffle.)

since i need to replace it, i really want to do so in a way that feels like i am inviting other people in, instead of going off and doing something on my own, as i am prone to do. besides, this is really all about you!

if you enjoy my work and want to be a part of this, i put together an offer.

you’ll receive presents, some now and some after a photo walk with a new camera.
in exchange, i’ll use your money to help fund my new camera.

what you’ll receive now:
a surprise assortment of 5 art cards, perfect for sending to loved ones or keeping for yourself

what you’ll receive later:
a card or postcard that will arrive in your mailbox with love and a wish for you
an image that you can use for a computer background or screensaver (or for any purpose, really)

cost: $25

sound wonderful?!

easy peasy. just click yes please and complete your payment.

–> this offering is no longer available

i am sorry to say that my camera is still most definitely not working, so it is time to upgrade to a new camera.

i suspect atlas is not sorry. his eyes do not look like he is saying, “yay! i’m so happy to be a photographic subject again!”

hey! maybe he broke it with the power of his eyes! it makes sense, right? after all, it did take this picture.

one of my favorite things in the world is to wander around neighborhoods. i like to look at the houses and try them on in my mind and think about how i’d decorate them if i lived there.

one of my favorite neighborhoods in portland is king’s heights, in the hills above the alphabet district. there are many houses that i adore; it is full of flowers; it is quite a ways uphill from one of my favorite coffee shops; and there are secret staircases that bring you up and up and up (or down and down and down).

there is a little yellow house for sale near the top of the hill that i like to imagine myself and atlas living in.

someday, i need to find a neighborhood walking companion who knows about flowers. it would be rather nice to know what i’m looking at.

hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!

soon, lila and i will be together again.

oh. did i mention that i named my camera lila (the sanskrit word for divine play)? i am pretty sure that i named her when i bought her but i could not remember that name so i decided that she needed to be christened again.

want to hear a story, though?

when the woman at the camera shop called to say that i could pick up my camera, she mentioned that it started working when the technician started fiddling with it. after all the fiddling i did, that seemed weird, but whatever.

only.

last week, my iphone stopped working. it turned off in an instance when i was holding it and i could not get it to turn on again. i was sad and thought it was broken but i brought it to the apple store and they reset it and it worked perfectly.

that is two times where i thought something i loved and needed had broken and needed to be replaced and all it took was an expert’s touch.

this seems like a message from the universe, only i haven’t the faintest idea what it is telling me. if you have any suggestions, do let me know.

{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

i read a book a few weeks ago about finding and hiring talent. it was called the rare find. (true, i’m neither a recruiter nor a hiring manager, but i am a sucker for non-fiction that includes case studies.)

i copied this from the book into my journal.

The key question stops being: “Are you good enough?” Instead, it becomes: “Is there a chance you could become spectacular?”

if you want to know what i think – what i really think – i think that there is a chance that i could become a spectacular artist. the form might surprise and delight me – for instance, it could be in the artistry of my business itself – but i do think there is a chance.

it is going to be hard for me to publish this post, but i am going to do so anyway, because it allows me to talk about one of my biggest stumbling blocks with radiance.

the trouble with radiance, at least for me, is that it feels like the act of recognizing or acknowledging or honoring my own light somehow diminishes other people.

it’s as if i believe that there is only so much light to go around so the only way i can shine is by dimming other people’s lights or by comparing myself to someone or someones and saying that i am shining because i am shining brighter than them. it’s as if i believe that we are all in competition with each other.

it seems rather telling that the situations where shining your own light is encouraged and accepted are in situations that do feel like competitions: from job interviews to annual reviews to college applications.

it makes perfect sense that i would want to avoid this. i don’t want to hurt other people or make them feel small. i don’t like competition. i am afraid of rejection and judgment. i don’t want other people to dislike me. i have been taught implicitly and explicitly that saying (thinking, also, but definitely saying) something good about myself makes me a bad person.

at the same time, when i see something good in myself, it has nothing to do with anyone else. i am not comparing or contrasting or in competition.

when i like my own work, for example, i don’t like it because i think it’s better than anyone else’s work. i like it because i like it.

when i have an idea that i think is genius, i don’t think it’s genius because it’s better than someone else’s idea. i think it’s genius because it’s mine and i am really really excited about it.

when i say that there is a chance i could become spectacular, i don’t mean spectacular in comparison to others; i mean spectacular in terms of fulfilling my potential and following my mission and sharing my vision.

i believe that we are all extraordinary – that we can all burn brighter than we can even imagine.

i also know that if i cannot see the good in myself, it doesn’t really matter whether other people can see it.

i want to be my biggest supporter and cheerleader. i want to see my own goodness and potential. i want to show up in the world, to not shrink, to be as fully myself as i can stand to be, and to be a force for beauty and light.

i am not afraid of my shadow. i am willing to go into my darkness and take things out and turn them over and look at them closely under the harsh light of day.

for too long, i have been afraid of my light.

from now on, i very much want to be brave enough to face it.

in this moment, atlas is stretched across my bed lengthwise. he is taking up half of the bed and both of the pillows. he is also snoring.

i have a habit of saying, “he’s so cute when he ..” we are trying to decide on the silliest thing i’ve said thus far. if i remember correctly, the current winner is, “he’s so cute when he breathes.”

the person in the apartment next door has a tiny kitten. atlas saw the kitten peering out through the screen door on the patio yesterday and he could not have been happier. who knows, maybe this kitten will someday be his friend, just like the last neighbor kitten that he managed to win over!

in this moment, i love my little big pup times a million and thirty three four. i need to go give him a kiss and tell him so.