years ago, i went to see a shaman for a soul retrieval.

i was generally skeptical about everything, including shamans, and i didn’t see how it was possible for a soul to be missing or to have missing pieces. but i went because on her website, she talked about feeling like something was missing.

i felt like something was missing, so i figured that at the very least, it would make a good story. plus, i was pretty comfortable with doing things that were out of the ordinary in the name of alternative healing. (i think my old coworkers still remember when i licked a paper towel every month and sent it to someone to diagnose and send me herbs and such back. i know my sister amy does. i suspect all her med school classmates do too.)

i remember two things from that session.

first, she told me that my family was known for its intellect but that i was going to find a way to work that included body & spirit.

the first part was true, which made me think “maybe there is something to this”. the second part gave me hope that i would find my way.

second, when she scanned my sixth chakra, she told me that the voices in my head had turned vicious.

that was also true. only i hadn’t even noticed. they had been there for so long that i had grown accustomed to them. they seemed normal and expected. i had somehow missed that over time, they had gone from critical to cruel to vicious.

when i look back, i think that was the first small step on my journey toward love & compassion.

there was something about having someone tell me that the voices in my head were vicious that helped me take a step back and realize that a) they were voices and not the whole truth and that b) something else might be possible.