together
no, not together
alone

here, i am always alone

i’ve been here before

in my dreams
in my waking life
in my dreams that have yet to be dreamed

and yet
it is different this time

before
i was holding back

i say that i am seeking
the divine
madness

and yet
i am really seeking safety and security
in a different form

the madness is here
again
knocking at the door

i want to let her in
i want to answer her call
i don’t want to be afraid anymore

alone
i step
out
over the ledge

i am not waiting for a net
i am not asking for wings
i am not crying, “save me”

i am falling
i am tumbling

as i fall
through terror and exhilaration
through loss and love

i wonder
if i will live or die