i mentioned that i am currently in love with the tv show bones, right?

in case you aren’t familiar with the show, it’s about a forensic anthropologist and an fbi agent who solve crimes using the bones of the deceased.

brennan, the forensic anthropologist, is a genius who wound up in the foster care system after being abandoned by her parents & brother. she relies on reason & logic & facts and distrusts seemingly non-rational emotions like love. booth, the fbi agent, believes in love & fate and trusts his heart & gut. of course, they are slowly falling in love.

i love watching the relationships between the characters and the changes in each of them as they grow & transform & deepen through their interactions with each other.

that being said, the reason i bring this up is because there is a scene in one particular episode that i want to tell you about.

the case involves a psychic who tells them that they’ll find bodies buried below a fountain. they do.

in the course of their investigation, brennan finds herself in a room with the psychic.

the psychic pulls a tarot card and tells brennan that she was abandoned when she was a child. she pulls another card and tells brennan that she is afraid of the world and that she hides her fear behind reason & logic – but that there is one question she (brennan) can’t answer.

brennan tells the psychic that the question she can’t answer is how the psychic knew the bodies were under the fountain.

the psychic tells brennan that the question she can’t answer is how anyone can love her. she then pulls another card and says, “the answer to the question you are afraid to say out loud is yes. he knows the truth of you and he is dazzled by it.”

today, i wish that for you.

may you know the truth of you and may you be dazzled by it.

i must say, you really can find insight and inspiration everywhere you look.

p.s. completely off-topic, but i just have to share my latest thing with you – it’s a personalized children’s story!

“It
Happened
Again last
Night:

Love
Popped the cork on itself-
Splattered my brains
Across the
Sky.

I imagine now for ages
Something of Hafiz
Will appear

To fall like
Stars.”

– Hafiz in The Gift, translated by Daniel Ladinsky

if you were a fly on the wall, you would hear silly (one-sided) conversations with atlas that sound like this:

“i love you so much, atlas. you are the cutest puppy ever. i don’t know what i would do without you. well, that’s not entirely true. i would do the same things i do with you, only without you.”

or this:

“atlas, sweetie, i love you more than all the gold in china. is there even gold in china? i should look that up. there’s probably tea. i love you more than all the tea in china. except i don’t love tea.”

or this, sung to the tune of the brady bunch theme song:

“you are my puppy, my little puppy. you are the cutest little puppy in the world. you are oh so sweet. how i love you. even though you aren’t a girl.” (the last line changes. another popular choice is “even though you have a tail”.)

once upon a time, on a different blog, i compiled all my thoughts about reiki. i am posting it again, here, for the sake of posterity.

and just so you know, i am a reiki person, in case you are intrigued and want to try reiki for yourself.

yes. it’s true. i don’t understand how reiki works.

when i first explained reiki, i gave the explanation i heard in class: reiki is energy that is guided by a higher power and works by flowing through the energy field and healing any disruptions in the life force energy.

you know how you can tell when someone is saying something that they don’t really believe? that’s what i hear in my voice when i try to give that explanation.

later, i tried to explain it in another way. i said that i felt the original explanation made reiki seem confusing and inaccessible. (i still think this.) then, i explained that what reiki did for me was to help me feel safe and supported enough to start learning who i was and what i needed. (i still think this as well.)

even then, i didn’t come right out and say the thing i was thinking. i was afraid. i was afraid that people wouldn’t want to work with a reiki person who doesn’t know how reiki works and isn’t sure she believes the reason she was taught.

but that is the truth of it: i don’t know how reiki works.

sometimes i wish i knew how reiki worked, but mostly i don’t really care.

maybe it works the way they say it does – that it’s spiritually guided energy that comes through me and into the receiver.

maybe it has something to do with large clusters of nerve endings or accupressure points and somehow they can be affected even without direct touch.

maybe there are chakras or an aura and it has something to do with one or both of them.

maybe energy really does follow thought.

maybe there is something in quantum physics that explains it. i know i’ve read a few things that make me think, “hey! that could totally explain how reiki works!” (i immediately proceed to forget them which is why i am not mentioning any specifics.)

maybe it works because the power of the mind comes into play and we cause something to happen because we are expecting something to happen.

maybe it’s one of them or all of them or none of them. i don’t know.

hows and whys aside, i believe there is something magical about creating space for things to happen.

there is something to be said for setting aside time where your focus is on you and your well-being.

there is also something to be said for knowing that – for that same period of time – someone else’s focus is on you and your well-being.

our bodies want to talk to us. they are trying to talk to us all the time.

i do believe that even the simple act of giving them a space where they know we are open to hearing from them can cause something to happen.

and yes, even if i don’t know how reiki works, i do believe that it does work.

i have had many interesting experiences with reiki and have shared some of them. either they are direct experiences, or they are indirect experiences in that the practice made me more mindful and aware.

in the end, i don’t think you need to believe that something will work in order for it to be useful for you.

i didn’t believe reiki would work when i started and it has given me so much.

at the same time, i do think you need to be open to the idea that maybe something will happen. if you’re thinking of trying something solely because you absolutely positively believe that it doesn’t work and you want to prove that it doesn’t, maybe it would be best to save your money and your time for something that you feel a bit more positively about.

along with that, i don’t think it really matters whether you believe that something works how people say it works in order for it to be useful for you.

the hows and whys of things are interesting, but they’re not all there is. what is even more interesting is your direct experience with something and your feeling about whether it was useful for you.

just for fun, do you want to know how i really think reiki works?

i like to think of it as a little flashlight that’s going through me, shining a light into dark and dusty and dim spaces and saying, “oh, sweetie .. you really are ok. and if you’re interested, here’s something you might want to look at.”

yes. like that.

i know dandelions are considered weeds, but i love them. they are so bright and cheerful. i think of them as tiny cousins of the sun, peeking out between grass blades, turning their cheerful faces toward me. as far as i am concerned, they are here to make our days even brighter.

May the earth hold you.
May the birds sing to you.
May the wind wrap its arms around you.

May your day be blessed.

once upon a time, far across the sea, there was a kingdom where lavender was as prized as diamonds and pearls and rubies are today.

from a distance, the kingdom actually sparkled like a diamond. this was because the lavender radiated warmth and light like the sun at midday and twinkled like the stars at night.

the king and queen wore robes of lavender: dark purple for feasts (useful in case of spills), light purple for ceremonies, and pink for everyday.

one of the many marvelous things about this land was that there was no shortage of lavender. every family had lavender in their garden. it grew profusely and there was more than enough for everyone.

in this kingdom, instead of crossing your fingers for someone or wishing them good luck, you tucked a sprig of lavender into their pocket or behind their ear. the smell of the lavender swirled around them throughout the day and reminded them of magic and wonder and dreams-come-true.

sometimes, a round jolly striped bumble bee would follow the person, attracted by the smell of the lavender. bees were seen as tiny winged messengers from the gods, so the buzzing filled the lucky person with a deep sense of peace and joy.

on atlas’s birthday, i found a spot on the trail where he could run free for a moment. i had been trying to take a birthday picture but he was very uncooperative; either he wouldn’t look at me, or he made faces at me with his ears. he really doesn’t like having to stand still. i guess i can’t blame him. anyway, i finally gave up and captured him in motion instead.

it makes me extra-happy to see him racing up and down the trails. not that i didn’t enjoy it before, but now it’s doubly enjoyable because it means his foot is hale and hearty.

one of the things i love about the pacific northwest is that i can always find signs of spring. that way, even on cold and rainy and dreary days, i know spring really is coming.

well, the forest is green year-round, but it is so beautiful that i had to include it.

you know what i’ve realized? i am not a creature of moderation. i do not understand it. not that it’s not great for other people, i’m sure, just that it’s not really present in my life.

i think about this occasionally when i eat vegetables. maybe because i think about it occasionally when i eat chips. sometimes, when i am eating chips, i think, “hmmmm. i don’t eat these in moderation.” at the moment, this happens to be true of honey bbq fritos. anyway, when i eat vegetables, i think about the chips, because it occurs to me that everything evens out. i don’t eat vegetables in moderation either. as far as i’m concerned, a head of cauliflower or broccoli or cabbage is at most two servings. a bunch of kale is one serving, at least if it’s roasted. (when i am eating broccoli, i often wonder how much i would have to cook if i were cooking for a family.)

as it happens, i am currently in a sandwich with dill pickle phase, which means that i eat at least one a day, sometimes two. before the sandwiches, it was cauliflower. i was eating cauliflower every day.

(i just had a eureka moment! this is an exceedingly useful eating habit for me. i like to eat seasonally and locally. when colorful peppers or blueberries or cucumbers or tomatoes are in season, they are only available for a short time. it’s nice that i actually enjoy eating what might seem like a lot of them before they are gone for the year.)

recently, i realized that i do the same thing with tv shows. at the moment, i am obsessed with bones. i am happily (and speedily, did i mention i had trouble with moderation?) making my way through all the episodes. before bones, it was eureka. before eureka, it was psych. i kind of wish i could alternate, or slow down, but it doesn’t seem to work for me.

(wow, do i love bones. i love the characters and their relationships, and i think booth and brennan are hilariously adorable. i will say that the show is not helping my nightmares. one night, i found myself in a lake full of sharks and then was beaten by a mob of teenagers. fortunately, booth saved me just in time; i hope i can thank him someday.)

the same thing is true of songs, hikes, what i’m interested in working on ..

(this reminds me of the time i joined a rowing club and then decided to add in a cycling class and then was convinced to take karate lessons. let’s just say i was very tired and then i died.)

this feels like the sort of thing that, once upon a time, i would think i needed to change about myself. they do say that moderation is the key, you know.

today, it feels more like something i want to embrace. yes, it’s true, i am really not a creature of moderation. i love that about me.

with that, i bid you adieu. i have a bag of honey bbq fritos and season 4 of bones waiting for me.