i can’t quite put my finger on why, but i really really like this photo.

remember my year of trust? well, erin at vulnerable pulp is looking for trust this year. i loved seeing her first glimpse of it.

it turns out that ice skating is like riding a bike and also not at all like riding a bike, at least when you haven’t skated in ten or so years. as in, you might not fall, but you might not be able to do much more than remain on your feet either. the ice is a slippery place, and those blades are awfully thin.

atlas is getting up at least twice a night for potty breaks lately. it might be just a habit, but i cannot figure out how to change it. sometimes i wonder why i thought i would die of sleep-deprivation if i ever had children. when i think about it, i’ve been somewhat sleep-deprived ever since i got atlas – over eight years ago – and clearly i’m still functioning. i might not be at peak performance, but i’m definitely functioning.

i stumbled upon a website for someone who creates digital mandalas and i cannot stop watching the mandala movies. watching each mandalas morph and dance and transform is quite possibly the most mesmerizing thing i have ever seen.

how are you? what is going on in your world today?

i guess three photographic odes to mark rothko isn’t really very many, given that my blog is over two years old.

• photographic ode the first
• photographic ode the second

wait. only three? clearly i need to do more of them.

mark rothko for everyone!

speaking of mark rothko, did you know that the portland art museum is curating a mark rothko exhibition? it opens in february. i will be visiting. i’d invite you to come with me, only i suspect i will sit myself in front of a painting and not be able to move for ages, which is what i did the last time i saw one of his paintings in person. did i mention that i am kind of a fan?

i love love love to read. if i were going to define myself as "something", the one "something" that really resonates with me is reader.

the only time i remember getting in trouble in school was in first grade. we were supposed to be doing math problems out of a workbook. i was holding the workbook up in front of my face because i had a book hidden behind the workbook and was reading instead. unfortunately, the teacher came up behind me.

in middle school, i would bike to the library with my sisters every week and bring home a backpack full of books. the librarians let us ignore the limit and check out however many books we wanted so that we didn't have to visit every day.

i often wonder what i would be like if i didn't read. at the same time, i cannot imagine a life without reading at all.

i could never answer the question, "what's your favorite book?" i don't have one favorite, but i do have a short list of books that are my favorites because they have changed me in some way.

atlas shrugged (ayn rand). if you ever wonder where i got atlas' name, he is partly named after this book. i think my sister amy recommended it to me. i brought it along when i visited my grandparents one easter and could not put it down. do you know what i remember most? when i left the airport parking lot, i really wanted to pretend that i lost my parking ticket; it was cheaper to pay the "lost ticket maximum" than to pay the actual parking fee. i couldn't do it. it didn't align with who i wanted to be after reading the book. sometimes i find it rather strange that i love it so because i suspect i do not align with ayn rand either politically or spiritually, but the thing i took from the book was a desire to do the best i can with what i have – in order to be worthy of what i've been given and to express my appreciation and gratitude for all of it.

don't shoot the dog (karen pryor). atlas' breeder gave me this book as a gift on his first birthday. it's about positive reinforcement. when i finished, i had a vision for who/how i wanted to be/behave with atlas. everything i have done with him – or tried to do – or berated myself for falling short at – came from the principles in this book. everything i read (and continue to read) about dogs in my quest to be the best dog person i can be came from my vision of who i wanted to be after reading this book.

the prophet (kahlil gibran). i can't even remember why i bought this book in the first place, but i took it with me on a trip to seattle to visit a friend. i read it on the flight there and i spent most of the flight going, "oh! yes! oh! oh!" and underlining things and sniffling a little. i wrote in it – something i had never done to a book before and haven't really done since. there were parts of it where it felt like he reached in and grabbed bits of my soul – ideals that i tried to live by without being able to explain them – and poured them out onto the page in words. it made me think. it made me gasp. it was full of beauty. i think that if i absolutely had to pick one favorite book, this would probably be it.

the inmates are running the asylum (alan cooper). i've written about this book before, but essentially, it helped me find and articulate my passion for the user experience. (incidentally, i read this one on on a trip to england – on the train from london to swindon, to be exact – so it seems i might have a pattern of falling in love with the books i read while traveling.)

nickel and dimed (barbara ehrenreich). to be fair, this book is not exactly a longstanding favorite. it was a good quick read. i probably wouldn't read it again. there are other books that i prefer and return to, like savage inequalities (jonathan kozol) and the working poor: invisible in america (david shipler). i include it because it is the first book i read that helped me recognize and question my assumptions -assumptions i didn't even know i was making – and begin to investigate what i really believed and what i wanted to stand for and hold as important, instead of taking other people's assumptions and beliefs as my own without thinking about them. it also got me reading everything i could find about poverty and class and education, which was a fascinating (if sad) reading journey.

the untethered soul (michael singer). actually, if i had to pick one favorite, it might be a toss-up between this and the prophet. i don't really know how to talk about this book, except to say that every time i read it, i feel like i get a little glimpse of heaven.

so there you have it, a short list of books that have changed me. of course there are more, but these are the ones that come to mind in this moment.

i had an epiphany the other day that got me thinking about my favorite books and prompted this post. i just read switch by chip & dan heath. at one point, they talked about inspiring change via the identity model, where you get people to ask, "who am i? what would someone like me do in this situation?" i realized that that's what all of these books did for me. they made me ask myself that question; when i found the answer, it changed me.

now i'm so curious, do you have a book or books that have changed you?

poor atlas. i do like making things play with him. his kitty cousins sent him some squirrel-shaped treats for christmas, and i cannot help but make every squirrel play with him before he gets to eat it.

i'd write more, but i just started reading your dog is your mirror (kevin behan) and it is so fascinating that now i have to finish it. i barely tore myself away from the book to write this post, and atlas has not gotten his evening walk. clearly 2012 is shaping up to be a year of good reading.

as you might know, i love stories.

i stumbled across a book titled “bedtime stories” while waiting for my sandwich at new seasons and was looking through the stories.

in a story titled “troll bridge” by neil gaiman, i read this:

‘Trolls can smell the rainbows, trolls can smell the stars,’ it whispered sadly. ‘Trolls can smell the dreams you dreamed before you were ever born. Come close to me and I’ll eat your life.’

i bought the book for that bit alone. i had to stop reading so i could put my hand on my heart and breathe in the goodness.

so far, i love the few stories i’ve read, including that one, but i keep going back to those words. over and over and over.

as a side note, i have decided that i really want to illustrate a story (or stories) someday. photographically and artistically, of course; clearly i am not an actual illustrator. with the right person and the right story – oh my goodness, the fun.

tracy at prana light writes a series titled “being here now”. it’s in list format and it provides such a beautiful glimpse into her daily life. when i read the last one: “being here now: days of abundance”, i was inspired to fill out the list for myself.

taste — my latest dinner addiction: a rich meat sauce on roasted spaghetti squash; ginger molasses cookies; steel-cut oatmeal with bananas & brown sugar & butter

scent — eucalyptus + vinegar (my homemade bathroom cleaner); lemon + vinegar (my homemade kitchen cleaner); wet dog

sound — “set fire to the rain” by adele

touch — soft fleece blankets

sight — my latest series addiction: leverage (which i stumbled upon at the library and grabbed, thinking it looked like a decent movie, only to find that it was actually a series and i liked it so much that i watched all four dvds in a row and ordered season two)

delight — the anticipation of a proposal from a web designer for a beautiful new home for retinal perspectives

intuition — my focus now needs to be on wholeness

comfort — sleeping later in the mornings; heading outside when the sun appears; working during the cold and dark evenings

making — homemade granola to bring to my sister’s

doing — looking for the perfect images for the november/december collection

dreaming — about the day when my business sustains me

reading — addiction to perfection (marion woodman), clash of kings (george r r martin), the untethered soul (michael singer), what i talk about when i talk about running (haruki murakami), and sailing home (norman fischer)

gratitude — for this moment, right here, right now

happiness — surrounds me, inside and out

love — this month, this season, so very much

i’d love to hear what’s in your now.

p.s. in case you missed monday’s post, there’s a celebration going on through saturday!

i love my imac (old and new) and my iphone in a way that i cannot imagine loving any other computer or technological gadget. they feel like part of my family. for that, and for many other things, i am so thankful for steve job's brilliance. my life holds more beauty and delight and ease because he was in our world.

can i share a secret wish? if i could wish to do anything in the world, and have it come true, i would want to collaborate with mary oliver on a book of poetry and pictures – to pair my photos with her poems. i can see this book in my head and it makes me so very happy.

it turns out that my favorite summer fruit is blackberries. i used to think i preferred blueberries but this summer has shown me otherwise. blackberries taste like summer and sunshine in a way that blueberries do not.

there will be no trust photo this week. i have not taken any photos in the past week or two. this doesn't feel like a pause; this feels like something is blocking me. so, i am trusting that the right thing to do – instead of forcing a photo – is to spend some time journaling in order to find out what is behind this. there is some form of resistance here; i can feel it.

if you want to share a secret (or not-so-secret) wish, or your favorite summer fruit, or anything else, i would love to hear it!

{i suspect this may become another extremely irregular series because i do so love mark rothko’s paintings.}

“Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.”

– Amy Lowell

{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust – my word for 2011 – unfortunately, my photo disappeared, so i am using redorgrayart’s own photo so you can still see her mobile.}

today, i have a story for you.

i ordered the book sea of miracles from amy oscar because i like reading about angels. (i’m glad i did. reading it felt like being enveloped in a warm and loving embrace.)

the day before it arrived in my mailbox, i found a bluebird feather on my morning walk with atlas. a bluebird feather! i adore bluebirds. they are my symbol of happiness; every time i see one, i remember the story about the children who looked everywhere for the bluebird of happiness only to find it once they returned home again. i picked the feather up and brought it home with me.

in her book, she talks about finding feathers. about how she finds feathers, about how people who work with her start finding feathers, about how people who send her angel stories find feathers. when i read that, it made me think of my bluebird feather.

she also talks about how you can ask the angels to send you a sign (as many and as big as you need) to show you that they exist. i decided to ask them for a sign that would absolutely positively convince me when I am most doubtful.

i asked, and then i let it go.

on my evening walk with the pup (yes, he gets a lot of walks), i saw a butterfly. this made me smile. i like to pretend that butterflies are the angels, reminding me that they’re near.

a little while later, i found a feather on the path.

after i picked up the feather, atlas pulled me off the path and into the woods. what did we discover in the woods but an entire pile of feathers. it must have been every single feather from a bird. only there was no sign of the bird, just the pile of feathers.

we continued on, out of the woods and down the path again. when we reversed course, what did we discover every few feet or so? more feathers! feathers that i would swear weren’t there when we walked the path the few minutes earlier.

by this time, i was laughing away. but i also felt very loved and comforted.

p.s. don’t you love my bluebird mobile from redorgreyart? i just love it. it hangs in my kitchen, reminding me to slow down and appreciate the moments. and it seemed very fitting for my story.