once upon a time, i was an engineer.

most of the time, i liked – and even loved – my work. it seemed like life was good, that i should have been happy and contented.

only i wasn’t. there was a current of longing, a restlessness, a nagging sense of disquiet that was always running below the surface.

it felt like something was missing in my life – something important – and i couldn’t figure out what it was.

i wish i could convey how confusing and frustrating it was to always feel like something was missing.

i tried to fill the hole: with people, with activities. that didn’t work.

i tried to ignore the hole. that didn’t work either. every once in a while, the confusion and frustration would overwhelm me and i would decide that it must mean i was in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing. i would start researching other options: graduate school or the peace corp or other companies.

i thought it meant that i had to change everything.

but changing everything is a daunting prospect, and none of my ideas ever felt quite right, so i would eventually go back to ignoring it.

i did this for ten years.

the thing i know now, that i didn’t know then, is that something was missing.

i was missing a part of me.

the long hours and the stress and the busy days made it easy for me to forget all the parts of me that i didn’t need in order to do my work. they slipped further and further away from me. eventually, i forgot they were ever important at all.

the thing I know now, that i didn’t know then, is that we need beauty.

we need beauty and wonder and amazement.

we need to remember that we are more than our work.

we need to remember that there are other parts of us that need nourishment.

the thing i know now, that i didn’t know then, is that beauty is neither a luxury nor a frivolity.

beauty is a need.

beauty can nourish the parts of us that we’ve forgotten and that desperately need nourishment.

beauty can feel like a long cool deep life-giving drink to parts of us that we didn’t even realize were dying of thirst.

there are so many ways to add beauty to your day.

here are some of my favorites.

• minimizing all the open browser windows and programs and gazing softly at the tulips on my computer background
• a pause and a breath
• a glance out the window to watch the leaves wave in the wind
• chai tea in a favorite mug
• a quick doodle with fat colorful markers
• standing up and stretching
• sending a hello text to a friend
• wearing a favorite outfit or scarf or piece of jewelry
• (my personal favorite, the only one i couldn’t have done in my little cubicle) getting up from my chair to go over and kiss the pup on the top of his sweet furry head