the idea of the "holy grail" of 10,000 hours of practice has been wandering around in my thoughts lately related to my photography. there is something there that is important but i am struggling with how to articulate it.

i wrote a post last year on my wellness blog about not being able to like my own work. (for those who have been wondering why that blog fell silent, i am experimenting with using this blog for all my thoughts.) because i do. i like my work. it makes me happy.

i also feel very apologetic about it. like, it's purely luck that i get photos i love. like, of course i get photos i love, i take enough photos that at least one is bound to turn out every once in a while.

at the same time, that isn't really true. the truth is that i've been taking photos for a long time. the truth is that i spend time on it. the truth is that i try to learn and grow. even if what i do doesn't necessarily look like what i think learning and growing should look like, i am learning and growing in my own way.

it's not that i care about being talented, whether that's having other people think i'm talented or me thinking i'm talented. that isn't the point. i just want to be able to acknowledge to myself that i put in the time on this thing that i love and that i get photos i love because i work at it. (play at it, really. and there's part of the rub. if it feels like play, it doesn't count.)

i'm not even sure why it matters so much that i be able to give this to myself, except that there is something in there about learning to see and acknowledge the good (instead of just the bad, which i have decades of practice at seeing and acknowledging). it feels like a start at recognizing my own light instead of trying to hide it or dim it or not being able to see any light at all. somehow, it matters.

anyway, this particular rambling is point-less. i am just planting a tiny seed of thought. for myself, and maybe for someone else who needs it.