{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

i read a book a few weeks ago about finding and hiring talent. it was called the rare find. (true, i’m neither a recruiter nor a hiring manager, but i am a sucker for non-fiction that includes case studies.)

i copied this from the book into my journal.

The key question stops being: “Are you good enough?” Instead, it becomes: “Is there a chance you could become spectacular?”

if you want to know what i think – what i really think – i think that there is a chance that i could become a spectacular artist. the form might surprise and delight me – for instance, it could be in the artistry of my business itself – but i do think there is a chance.

it is going to be hard for me to publish this post, but i am going to do so anyway, because it allows me to talk about one of my biggest stumbling blocks with radiance.

the trouble with radiance, at least for me, is that it feels like the act of recognizing or acknowledging or honoring my own light somehow diminishes other people.

it’s as if i believe that there is only so much light to go around so the only way i can shine is by dimming other people’s lights or by comparing myself to someone or someones and saying that i am shining because i am shining brighter than them. it’s as if i believe that we are all in competition with each other.

it seems rather telling that the situations where shining your own light is encouraged and accepted are in situations that do feel like competitions: from job interviews to annual reviews to college applications.

it makes perfect sense that i would want to avoid this. i don’t want to hurt other people or make them feel small. i don’t like competition. i am afraid of rejection and judgment. i don’t want other people to dislike me. i have been taught implicitly and explicitly that saying (thinking, also, but definitely saying) something good about myself makes me a bad person.

at the same time, when i see something good in myself, it has nothing to do with anyone else. i am not comparing or contrasting or in competition.

when i like my own work, for example, i don’t like it because i think it’s better than anyone else’s work. i like it because i like it.

when i have an idea that i think is genius, i don’t think it’s genius because it’s better than someone else’s idea. i think it’s genius because it’s mine and i am really really excited about it.

when i say that there is a chance i could become spectacular, i don’t mean spectacular in comparison to others; i mean spectacular in terms of fulfilling my potential and following my mission and sharing my vision.

i believe that we are all extraordinary – that we can all burn brighter than we can even imagine.

i also know that if i cannot see the good in myself, it doesn’t really matter whether other people can see it.

i want to be my biggest supporter and cheerleader. i want to see my own goodness and potential. i want to show up in the world, to not shrink, to be as fully myself as i can stand to be, and to be a force for beauty and light.

i am not afraid of my shadow. i am willing to go into my darkness and take things out and turn them over and look at them closely under the harsh light of day.

for too long, i have been afraid of my light.

from now on, i very much want to be brave enough to face it.