{a photo project honoring radiance, one of my words for 2012 :: 52 photos that represent radiance, 52 photos that represent luminosity.}

today, i offer up a musing on radiance from my journal.

do i have a sense of myself as sweet and steady? not really.

i notice [redacted], wherever he is. do i have that same sense of myself? definitely not. i feel like i go unnoticed, am passed over, which would explain why i like to be funny. humor draws attention and i am afraid that people won't notice me otherwise.

i think about friends of mine – i think they would be noticed no matter what because there is something about them that stands out. you just feel better because they are there. i don't have that same sense of myself and i think i try to compensate.

that's related to radiance. what if i could trust that i was enough, and i was visible, and the right people are attracted to me. i wouldn't feel that same need to be funny. not that i might not be funny anyway, just that it wouldn't feel forced.