i find myself blinking back tears rather often these days, though they are a different sort of tear than the usual.

you see, the thing i realized very recently is that i actually see myself with eyes of love and compassion now.

do you know that i will turn 35 in april, and that i cannot ever remember a time when i did not think i was a terrible, horrible, awful, no-good person? that's three decades, give or take, of self-loathing and perceived worthlessness.

i'm crying because it feels like i am coming home to myself, after a very long time away.

i'm also crying for all the versions of me who were not met with this same love and compassion. i want to wrap my arms around each one of them in turn and say, "oh, sweetie. i see you. i love you. and i am so so so sorry."