{my attempt to capture 52 photos that represent trust – my word for 2011}.

today, in search of a thread to share in my musings on trust, i pull from my journal.

what if i were worthy?

huh. that would be a game-changer. the trouble is that it's hard to just think yourself worthy after years of hearing, learning, thinking, believing that you are not.

if i believed in miracles, i would believe that i could just flip a switch and transform this pattern. except even that is scary because it seems to make all the years of suffering unnecessary.

and yet, maybe everything happens the way it does in order to bring us to this moment.

everything certainly does happen the way it does in order to bring us to this moment. that is the truth of it. (the question is whether there is a plan or a point or a method to the madness. maybe it doesn't really matter – unless it brings me comfort.)

and so, this is where i am – still sitting with the question.

what if i am worthy?

i draw in my breath. the answer, it seems, could change everything.